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Self-checks

Relationship wellbeing self-check

A short self-check on communication, conflict and everyday support in your relationship, based on the past month.

3-5 minutes15 questions

Think about your relationship over the past month and answer as honestly as you can, on your own rather than with your partner looking over your shoulder. There is no ideal score here, and relationships go through ordinary rough patches. Answer based on how things have actually been, not how you wish they were.

CommunicationConflict handlingEveryday support

This is an original set of questions written for this site. It is not a couples therapy assessment, a relationship satisfaction scale or a clinical instrument, and it does not diagnose anything or tell you whether to stay in or leave a relationship. If a relationship involves fear, control, threats or physical harm, that is beyond the scope of a self-check and worth discussing with a professional or a trusted support service directly.

A private, honest snapshot

This check is designed for one person to fill out alone. Answering honestly, without editing for how it might look, gives a more useful result than answering for your partner's benefit.

Not a verdict on the relationship

A low result in one area does not mean the relationship is failing, and a high result everywhere does not mean nothing needs attention. Think of this as a starting point for reflection.

Three separate angles

Communication, conflict and everyday support do not always move together. A relationship can be strong in one area and strained in another at the same time.

Why communication and conflict are treated separately

A couple can talk easily about daily logistics, plans and small updates while still struggling whenever a disagreement comes up, or the reverse: handling conflict calmly while rarely sharing much day to day. Separating these two areas can show more precisely where the strain actually sits, rather than lumping everything into one vague impression of how the relationship is going.

Support is often noticed in small moments

Everyday support tends to show up in ordinary things: whether your partner asks how your day went and actually listens, whether tasks and responsibilities feel shared rather than left to one person, and whether you feel comfortable asking for help when you need it. These small, repeated moments often say more about how a relationship feels day to day than any single big event does.

Relationships under expat or long-distance strain

Couples navigating life in a new country, different work schedules, visa uncertainty or long stretches apart often carry extra pressure that has nothing to do with how well they get along otherwise. If your results point to strain, it can help to separate what is coming from the relationship itself from what is coming from outside circumstances, since the two usually call for different responses.

Before you start

Should my partner take this test too?

You can each take it separately and compare notes afterward if that feels useful, but there is no requirement to. Some people prefer to reflect privately first and decide later whether and how to share what they noticed.

What if my results are low in every area?

That is worth taking seriously as a signal to reflect further, ideally with a couples counselor or therapist who can help unpack the specific patterns. A low result across the board describes where things stand right now, not a fixed outcome for the relationship.

Does a good result mean there is nothing to work on?

Not necessarily. Relationships shift over time, and a strong result in one area does not guarantee it stays that way without attention. Treat a good result as a reasonable baseline worth maintaining, not as a reason to stop paying attention altogether.